Take a Chance You Stupid ‘Ho

July 27th, 2009

I spent all last week eating 5,000 calories a day. Self-gavage. All to avoid -- *gasp* finishing my Gloria+Tae story.

And then today, I sent a series of self-pitying emails to a friend, filled with such pathetic-ness as:

I’m a sham -- I can’t really write. If I continue, people will catch onto me.

People are doing me a favor, reading my stuff.

My efforts are not good enough

And now, here I am -- almost 10pm. Overcome with an intense desire to anesthetize my anxiety with food…drama…household chores. Just anything that will delay the inevitable showdown with the blinking cursor on a blank Word document.

Time is a-tickin away…

Now the inner toughie in me is coming out. Swinging fists and singing Gwen Stefani’s “What You Waiting For”

Yea, what am I waiting for?
Take a chance you stupid ‘ho!

Writing a barely C- draft

Seriously -- fuck this shit.

Fuck this writer’s block and fuck this inability to just let go and let flow and fuck this paranoia and fuck this anxiety and fuck this ego trip and ego let down and fuck me for letting it chop my figurative balls off.

I just want to finish. It’ll be as disjointed and badly written as an episode of “True Blood” But -- what else do you expect from a girl whose literary education was refined on articles in back issues of Maxim Magazine?

Set it. And FORGET IT.

Write it all tonight. Crank it out like the world will end in some bloody Aztec human sacrifice unless the draft is done by tomorrow morning.

Then start something new.

Sounds like a plan to me.

category: rants,writing

Jack Statton

I find my best work happens like this: I write a huge slab of work (5-8,000 words) and I hate it. I am disgusted by it. I work on something else. A month later I find this piece of 5-8,000 words and I can see it with new eyes and see what needs to be cut and what can be worked with. I end up using 3/4 of it and adding about 5,000 more words.

You just get as many words out as you can for as long as you can. You can sort it out eventually, but the more raw material you have to work with the better (and easier) everything is.

Keep it up, grasshopper.